Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
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