Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Randomize
