Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Randomize
