I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
