we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
