We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
