I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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