I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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