this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
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