Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
