sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
