don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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