A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Randomize
