Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Maybe he injected his testicle?
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
