I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
