So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Randomize
