i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
So I've only had a mustache for about 5 minutes and I'm already pretty sure it's the best decision I've ever made.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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