he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
