My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
You ever have a fart follow you around?
Randomize