I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
