well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize