There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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