Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
