i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
