Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
