I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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