He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
