uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
