he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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