His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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