Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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