i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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