Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
so that wasnt chicken after all
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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