is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
