I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
Randomize
