Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Randomize
