Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
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