Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize