i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
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No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
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Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
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