i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Chipotle farts are not good for seducing boys.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
