Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
the night ended with taco bell and tears
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Randomize
