did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
