You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
