All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
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Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
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Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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