I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
wanna go halves on a baby?
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
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