Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
