i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
