And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Randomize
