Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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