He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
She rode an inflatable shark down the stairs. Viva shark week.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
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