She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
