Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
How naked do you want me to be?
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize