Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
