I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
When did angry sex become our thing?
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
