sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
