She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
