Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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