Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Randomize
