i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
