she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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