if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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