um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
