I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Its about making memories worth repressing
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
