how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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