the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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