sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
Text me some of your sweat
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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