My girlfriend figured out who you are.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
