And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Randomize
