I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
Mom said you looked used
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
