someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
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He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
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Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I did not marry a roomba.
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