dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
