Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
