I want to have your abortion
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
