yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
