god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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