Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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