woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
he was cumming and all I could think about was the pathway of sperm the in penis. thanks a lot nursing
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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