A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
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You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
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SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
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