the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
