6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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